burnt out

August 10, 2012 § 3 Comments

Singapore celebrated it’s national day yesterday. Being the unpatriotic foreigner, I slept in for a long time, refuse to wake up. Somehow, working every week day and trying to make ends meet, had completely worn me out.

Reflecting on the events that happened since my return, I began to wonder what the rest of the year entails. So far I’ve done 5 stages, changed 2 jobs, broke my heart twice and got rejected countlessly. On the bright side, I became closer with my family/friends, met more inspiring people and became stronger.

Determined, to follow the heart and not be harbored by anything that says no. Better yet, let people tell you “you will get used to it”. I used to think it was okay, until I met a lovely food blogger and chatted over delicious cups of coffee about our goals. She said, there is nothing worse than sitting at a day job for eight hours, aimlessly, and getting paid for that.

I left uni years ago, because I did not want that. But coming back here, it seems what’s more to that is just futile. Who listens? It’s just another twenty year old who doesn’t know anything about life. Then again, who does?

So I sat quietly, in the late afternoon, musing over what I had accomplished since I left this sunny island. All the travelling, cafes that I had sat for hours and people I talked to who shared stories about their own lives and others. What makes us, us?

James said to me, “what you accomplished in life has a lot to do with who you are with”. I recalled the day we drove up Highway 1, along the cold California coast, just right after dawn, singing to Adele and watching people catch waves even though it was 50F or colder in the water. The moment was infinite.

On days when I’m completely burnt out with this rat race, I look back into my own history book of precious memories. Gathering positive spirits, looking at photo albums and feel rejuvenated once more.

Gradually, I took the tripod out, put the camera in the right settings, slowly put the kettle on, plate my favourite slice of chocolate cake and play some soft music. Gently falling into the arms of hopeful solace to find confidence again.


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