February 6, 2016 § Leave a comment
be yourself, everyone else is already taken – oscar wilde
As written on my recent post on Instagram, there seems to be a reflective orbit circulating around my earth.
As sentimental as anyone could be, I am a very nostalgic person. I collect bus/train/plane tickets from most of the travels, keep old letters from my god mum who diligently wrote to me weekly during my college days, organize fashion editorials just because, store love letters from old lovers, keep movie stubs I’ve seen with people I don’t want to forget etc..
It’s hard and easy to erase great moments, yet we hold on to so much I sometimes wonder if it will stop us from focusing on the moment.
Last night, a friend shared he felt that i ‘skipped a chuck of my childhood and there’s a forced seriousness.’ I reflected on those thoughts genuinely, only to realized I had always held the inner child back because my surroundings nurtured me to do so. Yet, beyond it I have a compelling interest in journaling, baking and exploring the world. A yearning to keep staying true to my own soul, and find other similar kindred spirits.
The “forced seriousness”, did not happen overnight. I had always been a curious child and was naive as a horse. But moving cities, dealing with personal issues and gaining awareness can change a person’s perspectives to life. When you start feeling responsible for yourself and others, your actions and thoughts change.
You no longer make food for one, do laundry for one, pick up things for one and so on. And even when I was living alone, the community I’d lived in felt like a family and instinctively I had the urge to take care or look out for them. I could not graze by life without understanding fully who my neighbours are, where my food comes from and how can I learn from them. I am constantly seeking for a community to devote my time/love, invest with people who invested in me.
Recently, a part of me has left the kindness planet or what I presume it to be. I have grown an intolerance for people who either don’t appreciate or take it granted that I will always be there. But then again, don’t we all? Working in the kitchen or in this industry has made me a brutally honest person. We get the job done by giving straight instructions and move forward. Then again, that does not mean that we are not kind to one another. The culture we tried to build has been one of a kind but sometimes go haywire under pressure. Nevertheless, knowing each other very well, we take these outbreaks with a pinch of salt and laugh at them with a pint of beer at the end of the day.
Emotions, I’d learnt, are not us. They are a simply an egoistic side of your mind taking over your body and thus letting it gain control of any circumstances.
Honesty, to me, has been an awakening consciousness wanting to be relinquished in starlight, shined through the darkness and into the sun.
With every bit of that light shining through, I am hopeful to find acceptance in others and sincerity with life.
A coffee friend once said to me: “It is really sad that people take away coffee, and that they cannot even spare five minutes to sit down with their cup.” To us, we rather not serve/sell you that cup, because we don’t see the value in it since you don’t value that time.
For many consumers, they just care about the money they pay us to deliver what we ought to, but what we must do and what we should are two very different things. And there are a collective group of stubborn, honest and pure like-minded people, who are sincerely determined to change this perception. Slow down. Sink into that awareness. Find the space between yourself.
For this coming new moon phase, I hope to never lose a sense of wonder, grow deeper in meditation/running and share more harmonious experiences.